Not Scott Bakula's Kind of Leap
by JaspreetPink
Summary: PadmaCho femslash. Arabella Figg makes an appearence. All three have a hilarious adventure. Story may include: kisses and toasters and Pylea, oh my! Little tiny crossover with Angel the Series.


_"Women!" he muttered angrily, sloshing down the rain-washed street with his hands in his pockets. "What did she want to talk about Cedric for anyway? Why does she always want to drag up a subject that makes her act like a human hosepipe?_

_Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, "The Beatle at Bay" pg. 563(US)_

"Men!" Cho spouted vehemently through her tears, "why are they always s-s-so insensitive!" She bravely took a sip of coffee, her eyes downcast. After storming off into the rain, Cho had come back to the teashop, hoping to talk things out with Harry, only to find that he had already left.

"Oh, get over it, Cho," Padma said lightly as she sat with Cho.

Cho looked up dramatically with her smudged-eyeliner eyes. "W-what?"

"Cho, sweetie, you can't really blame him, I mean, the only reason you've been interested in Harry is because of Cedric, because he was with him when he died." Padma turned her head to look back at the door, "Poor boy actually thought you were interested." When she turned back to Cho, the girl was on another round of crying.

"Y-You think I-I-I'm a bad person!" Cho choked out.

Padma sighed and reached for a handkerchief. "Cho, you're not a bad person," she gave Cho the handkerchief, "You're just a person. But you've got to stop crying before there's a flood." She gave her a reassuring smile. To Padma's relief Cho smiled back. "You know what? Men are stupid. Say it with me."

"M-Men are stupid."

"Good. Now for some girl time, okay? We'll go get books!" Padma flashed her a big grin and took Cho's hand.

"Oh, Padma," said Cho, "Sometimes you're such a Ravenclaw stereotype."

Padma laughed.

The rain was fierce outside, but Padma decided she was glad of it because it meant it was all right to hold Cho's hand, run through the rain laughing and jumping in puddles. In fact, Padma was in such a secret state of bliss, she hardly noticed the old lady standing in the rain until they both forcibly bumped into her.

"Oh, sorry..."

"Sorry..."

"Girls, girls, I need your help," the lady bemoaned desperately, "I'm a squib and I was making toast when..." the frantic lady was cut off as the three of them were swirled away to a sunny field, the sensation somewhat like that of a portkey, but somehow not quite the same.

"Oh no, not again!" She looked at the two girls. "Hello. I'm Mrs. Figg."

Cho and Padma stood staring at her with their mouths wide open.

"I-I suppose you'd like some kind of explanation, wouldn't you?"

"No, just take us back...unless you're evil!" Padma cried.

"Yeah, you could be a Deatheater! This is just like what happened to Harry Potter...I won't let you die Padma!" Cho declared loudly. She threw her arms around Padma and crushed her to her chest.

_Mmm...this is nice! _Padma thought.

"No, no...I'm not evil, I swear! I have this friend who's a crook and he gave me a toaster—should of known it was hexed or somehow faulty, and when I ate the toast I started hopping through time and space and it isn't the least bit fun..." Mrs. Figg said.

"A likely story," Cho muttered.

"Er...I can't breathe," Padma choked out. Cho let go. "So why are we here with you?"

"Cows!! Catch the cows!!" They turned towards the voice and saw four green skinned monsters in clothing looking at them and pointing Medieval weapons in their direction.

"Cows? I don't see any cows!" Mrs. Figg said.

"_We're_ the cows," Padma answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh."

Padma and Cho each took an arm and helped Mrs. Figg as they ran away from the demons.

"Is...there...a spell...we can...do?" Padma asked.

"Count of three...try the full Body-Bind...you take the two...on the right," Cho said.

"One, two, three..." they stopped and spun around, "_Petrificus Totalus!_" Two down, they did the spell again, and all the demons lay as stiff as boards in the grass.

"You girls were brilliant!" Mrs. Figg declared.

"Those DA meetings are coming in handy, wouldn't you say—we can even do first year spells!" Padma said smugly, half to herself as to her companions.

"Do you know where we are?" Cho asked Padma.

"Pylea. It's a hell dimension." Padma gave her one of her infectious smiles. "I read a lot."

Cho's heart felt a bit fluttery. She assumed it was the adrenaline of battle.

"Look, there are two suns!" Mrs. Figg noticed in wonder.

"Yeah," Padma looked around, "And on an interesting side note, in this dimension a vampire wouldn't suffer any harm from the sun, also they have..." Padma rambled on, and when she noticed Cho had casually taken hold of her plait of long dark hair and was playing with it, well, she giggled internally.

"How are we going to get home, everybody?" Cho wondered aloud. "Are we just going to jump around for eternity?"

"Why, it'd be like that American show, the one with Scott Bakula!" Mrs. Figg added excitedly.

"Huh?" the girls asked in unison.

"Maybe we have to save someone's life..." she looked over at the demons on the grass, "Or maybe not."

"I'm sure your ex, the golden boy, will save us at some point, he wouldn't fail you twice..." but Padma could see as the words were leaving her mouth that they were most definitely the wrong ones.

Cho's eyes filled with hurt a moment before they were averted.

"Cho, I'm..."

At that moment, Padma, Cho, and Mrs. Figg were whisked away.

They landed on the sidewalk. Actually, Cho landed on Padma.

"—Sorry!"

"Sorry, are you alright?"

"My hip!" Mrs. Figg clutched her side. "I am going to kill that Mundungus Fletcher, this time I mean it!"

Cho was still on Padma, her arms propped up and their faces lingering near each other.

Mrs. Figg had managed to stand and was buttoning up her blue cardigan. She was looking in the window of the pawnshop they had landed next to. "Hmm, I need a new kettle, and I promised a gift for cat number seven—THAT'S MY TOASTER!"

The girls got up and ran to the window.

"Are you sure?" Cho asked.

"Yes, yes, I even remember that scratch that looks like a turtle!"

"It's more like a duck," Padma said.

"No, I think it looks like a mushroom."

All three were squinting at the toaster in the window.

"This must be before Mundungus gave me the toaster—we have to destroy it before I get it, come on!" Mrs. Figg scurried into the shop, Cho and Padma right behind her.

"Why, if it isn't a grandmother and her two...multicultural grandchildren!" the shopkeeper said in an American accent. "How can I help you?"

"We'd like to see that toaster in the window, if you don't mind," Cho said.

"The one with a scratch that looks like a turtle!" Mrs. Figg chimed in.

"Sure, that's a nice piece of merchandise—let me get it out," the man left the counter and walked to the window. "Say, you all from Britain or something?"

"Yes"

"Welcome to New York, then. You like it so far?"

"We haven't seen much yet," Padma explained.

He took the toaster and placed it on the counter. "That'll be thirty dollars."

A pause. "I don't have any..." Mrs. Figg began.

"Uh, can we please see the toaster a second?" Padma asked.

"Go ahead."

Gingerly Padma picked it up and turned to Cho. "Smash it with your wand," she whispered.

"Wouldn't it break the...oh, with magic." Cho slipped out her wand and whispered the spell. The parts of the toaster slipped apart as if nothing held them together anymore.

But they were still in New York. In the pawnshop. Where the shopkeeper was staring at them in a mixture of surprise and anger.

"Run!" Mrs. Figg cried as she bolted from the shop, the girls close behind her.

They were running down the sidewalk, the shopkeeper yelling after them, when New York melted and they were running in a jungle.

They stopped.

"Oh bloody hell, I'm so sick of this!" Cho exclaimed. She lay down on the moss-covered path.

Mrs. Figg leaned against a tree and sunk down to the ground. "This is the most excitement I've had since Dementors attacked Harry Potter. And it is not helping my nerves."

Padma sighed and lay beside Cho. She leaned her chin against Cho's shoulder. "We'll get through this, I promise you." Cho said nothing but turned to her, so they were both on their sides facing each other. "You know who you just sounded like?" Padma said, "Ron Weasley. 'Bloody hell, mate!'" she mocked. "I swear to you he is the most boring date ever."

Cho smiled. "That's only because he's in love with Hermione. I don't see how that girl can steal all the boys." She added, worried, "She isn't prettier than us, is she?"

"I don't think anyone's prettier than you, Cho," Padma whispered. The noise of the jungle, the rush of birds and green life all around them seemed to get louder as Padma put her thumb against the other girl's lips and caressed them. Her hand moved away and slipped to the side of Cho's head, holding her as Padma leaned in for a kiss.

"Oh, my!" Mrs. Figg said, "it's getting hot around here!" She unbuttoned her cardigan, oblivious to the two girls snogging with a passion. Once she had taken it off she didn't know what to do with it, so she just threw it away from her. "Well that's better..."

Padma and Cho were back on the rainy street of Hogsmeade. And they were still snogging with a passion while several of their schoolmates were watching.

"Oh...oh my," Hermione said, causing Cho and Padma to break away and notice where they were.

Harry Potter stood there with his mouth wide open, Hermione and Luna Lovegood standing either side of him. "I-Er...CHO!?!" he stuttered out in a state of shock..

"Congratulations on your marriage," Luna said dreamily, "Interesting choice, going with the Garglklaxon ceremony. I always told everyone in my dorm you'd make a great couple one day." Hermione was giving Luna an incredulous look, while Harry's mouth continued to open and close like a fish. "Though, they never did believe me," Luna added.

Mrs. Figg was back in her kitchen. "I-I don't understand! Wait a minute; Mundungus gave me that cardigan as well! It was never the toaster at all!"

"..._And when the two of you bumped into me and touched the sweater, you came under the spell as well."_

Padma read from the letter she had received from Mrs. Figg. "At least now it all makes some kind of sense...I suppose." She rolled up the parchment and put it on Cho's nightstand.

"And the experience brought us together."

"I'm glad something finally did," Padma agreed. "Though, I don't think I liked the way everyone found out," she said, remembering Harry Potter's crazy yelling, many weird stares and her favorite, the awkward talk they had with Flitwick back at school about 'female sexuality'.

Cho straddled Padma and leaned down to kiss her, moving her body over her in ways that made Padma shiver. "Don't think about it."

"C-Cho," Padma asked in a half-frightened whisper, "You don't still think of Cedric, like you did with Harry—do you?"

Cho thought before she spoke. "I think of him, of course," she said slowly, "But when I kiss you it's not Cedric I'm thinking about. And if he were alive today I wouldn't trade you for him, not for anything."

Padma looked at her, both shocked and relieved. Leaning up she gave Cho a quick kiss, moaning as her girlfriend pressed her breasts down on hers and kissed her deeply.

"Oh my goodness, are you two still at it!" Parvati said loudly as she stood in the doorway. Cho got off of Padma, who was looking flushed. "You know, I read this in your astrology chart, I knew you were a lesbian!" Parvati continued. "I checked it in your tea leaves too, once when Mum made me do the dishes..."

"You know," Padma began, in her crafty voice, "I've read that statistically, if one twin is gay the other one is too." She smiled at her sister.

"Oh my god, Padma I _hate_ you!" Parvati shrieked as she ran from the room.

"I love being the smart twin."


End file.
